One night during the NHL Lockout I was at the local bar and we were bullshitting about sports. The topic of lockout came up and folks were chiming in on what they missed most about the lack of hockey (while others claimed they were going to burn all their Flyers gear). I missed plenty about the lockout but when it was my turn to add some wisdom, I said that it was not being able to clown on the Islanders (I followed it up by insisting the Islanders were the only franchise to actually save money during the lockout because it’s not like anyone follows them anyway).
The Sports Riot! as a whole has never hid our disgust from the Islanders. The franchise is run so poorly that the clowns who run the Sacramento Kings think they have their shit together. Come on, Garth Snow isn’t qualified to be GM playing NHL 13, no less an actual NHL team. Then throw in their fans (or lack their of). 90% of them jumped ship when Mike Bossy hung up his skates. Shit, my nephew’s Long Island Midget team draws better than the Isles.
I know all six of you Islanders fans will say that’ll change once the big move to Barclay Center happens, but that’s a bunch of crap. If fans aren’t coming to the games when it’s in their back yard, they’re not going to suddenly travel 30 more minutes to watch a junk product.
It’s real easy to get on a tangent about the Islanders and their fans because as funny as that circus in Long Island is it’s an embarrassment to all sports fans. Whatever, as long as the Islanders continue to write their own headlines I’ll continue to laugh.
Speaking of headlines…
You know your team is fucked when it’s not just the fans don’t want to go see the Islanders, but players don’t even want to wear their sweater. Defenseman Lubomir Visnovsky has announced that he is not returning to the NHL this season to play for the Islanders, but instead will stay and play in the KHL. He said in a statement through his agent that it had nothing to do with the Islanders as a franchise but it’s personal and has to do with his family.
Hahahaha. You’ve got to be kidding me. Does anyone really buy that line of bullshit? This is the same player who filed a grievance with the NHLPA last summer to block a trade from the Ducks to Long Island because he wanted no part of them.
Visnovsky’s not the only one. Ironically at the time of this writing, I’m listening to a sports radio station out of Edmonton, and they’re talking about the Islanders and how players want nothing to do with the team because of their dysfunction (it had nothing to do with Lubomir, but how they’re $3 million under the salary cap floor and no one knows how they’re going spend it because no one wants their money). Apparently they’re referred to as the “Place Where Players Go to be Forgotten.”
I swear you can’t make this shit up. In all seriousness, we as fans only read headlines to get our information. We don’t know what’s going down behind closed doors, but how bad can it really be that the opportunity of playing in The Big Apple isn’t even enough (and no, it’s not the big-bad New York media)???
Obviously I can’t see the Islanders or the NHL actually allowing Lubomir to stay in Slovakia because it’s only going open the door for other Eastern Euros to do the same. In saying that, I wouldn’t expect high production from Visnovsky. He’s going to play the stereotypical “lazy Russian” card and only go through the motions.
Islander fans… You guys really need to get your head on straight because no one likes to be the habitual butt of a joke (ask Chiefs fans). One thing about all six of you is you’re resilient little fuckers, which I can respect, so drop your hate mail to be at jay@thesportsriot.net, or @JayPlatt on Twitter.
“What would happen if a Canadian adopted me?”
Okay, out of context this might not make sense, so before we look at these words of wisdom, let me catch you up.
I’m guessing Jose’s meeting in Vegas to start is anti-aging drink went south because now he has a hardon to run for Mayor of Toronto. I know he’s not fucking around because he’s posting it on Twitter. He first asked advice on becoming a Canadian citizen (I’m sure they’d welcome him with open arms). Then he followed up by asking Torontonians to post their grievances because he’s going to fix them. He then proceeded to really dive head first into the shallow end of the pool by posting a couple of campaign promises.
- Play and manage the Blue Jays for free.
- Play for the Maple Leafs, even though he can’t skate.
Sounds like he’ll win by a landslide, but hold your horses Torontonians. There’s still that whole citizen hurdle. Well that’s where this Tweet comes in. This after he listed different ways he can become a Canadian citizen. These ideas range from marrying a Canadian, claiming Cuban refugee status, and “converting to an Eskimo and joining a tribe” (more people who would welcome him with open arms). Even Jose had to re-read his list on how to be Canadian and realized a four-year-old could come up with a better ideas so he decided on adoption. Now that you’re up to speed, let’s again look at this Tweet:
“What would happen if a Canadian adopted me?”
Eight little words can really make you think right? What you happen if YOU (being Canadian), adopted Jose?
- Neighbors will think less of you.
- You’ll catch a case of the crabs.
- Ozzie will come to visit and never leave.
- Your teenage daughter will want to live with grandma.
- The phrase “Got twenty bucks?” will become the new “How was your day?”.
- Learn the biggest dick on him is his personality.
- For once you’ll be the smartest man in the room.
- Your teenage daughter will catch a case of the crabs.
- You’ll wind up and jail and Jose in the hospital.
This list can be really endless, but Canada, do you really want this asshole living in your country (again)? Anyone who can read know that Bugs Bunny has a better shot of being the next Mayor of Toronto it still makes his delusions entertaining.
I know after reading this list you have your own ideas what would happen if you adopted Jose. email me at jay@thesportsriot.net or Tweet them @JayPlatt, and I’ll add them to the list.
