Oh Quebec, how you entertain me. This is aside from the politics of the Providence of Quebec and how they really like to consider themselves their own country even though they’re not. You guys take yourselves entirely too seriously in all aspects of life.
I’m calling out you so-called Nationalists. I can be found at dive bars in South Philly and at firstname.lastname@example.org. Remember that I don’t speak French though. You could also follow us on Twitter @TheSportsRiot. That’s not in French either. Les adieux…
A couple weeks ago I wrote an article about French Nationalists in the Canadian Province of Quebec calling for protests against the Montreal Canadiens and Molson Beer over the hiring of interim coach Randy Cunneyworth because he didn’t speak French (he was also always the skinny guy in the JCHL. Only Chris will get that reference, but I don’t care). I felt when looking at what is going on in the world, protesting a coach who doesn’t speak French is small potatoes. In fact I went on to say that I found it to be racist and compared Mouvement Quebec francais (the French Quebec Movement for you ignorant Anglophones who can’t read French), to the Ku Klux Klan. After I heard that the MQf planned to stage a formal protest at the Bell Centre on January 7th because of the hiring of Cunneyworth and his lack of lingualism, I got enraged. I wanted to write a follow up piece blasting these jack holes. This type of Nationalistic bullshit wouldn’t fly here in the States and since it’s not really news in the States, I was going to make sure at least the Rioters! Were aware of this ignorance.
Then I took a step back…
With myself being an American, I’m ignorant when it comes to the politics of Canada and specifically Quebec. Without a little research, I’d just look like another American asshole. So I decided to reach out to some contacts I have in the great country of Canada. While they helped me and gave me a little local insight, nothing helped me more than reading MQf’s website (thank god for Google Translate because the only French this Anglophone knows he learned from Pink Panther cartoons). I must say it changed my life because it makes so much sense.
I think they should take it a step further. Screw a protest. What is waving Quebec flags and holding signs going to do? These Anglo’s occupying your province can’t read French (hell, they just want to watch the Canadiens shit the bed for 60 minutes). What you should do is push them the hell out! If you see an Anglophone, beat him silly. He deserves it for not having enough respect to speak French. If you see an Anglophone’s house, set it on fire. Eventually they’ll start to get the picture and if they’re smart, they’ll start eyeballing the American border or Ontario (if they know what’s good for them). If that doesn’t work, it’s time to take it to take it to a new level; form a militia.
We all know militant groups have a high rate of success, so here’s my plan:
After 37 years I’ve finally found something I can stand behind. I’m so amped up I want to beat an Anglophone myself. As of December 30, 2011 I am officially a member of Mouvement Quebec francais (I hope they mail me a card just so I can use the phrase “card carrying member”). Although an Anglophone myself, I think I’ll be accepted into this organization (to my MQf brother’s out there, my user name is “Nordiques74”). I’m making arrangements to attend the protest in Montreal. I’ll be the guy dressed like a mime welding a baguette and a bottle of wine. You Anglophone f*cks better watch out!
This has me so inspired I’m starting my own movement. As a left-handed person, I feel discriminated against so, I’m going to start a movement against right-handed people In the United States. While 89% of American Citizens are rightiphones, it’s about damn time us leftiphones can drink a cup of coffee in the morning and be able to read how Garfield the Cat hates mornings, loves lasagna, or how I’m a #1 Grandma.
Who wants to join my cause? Hit me up at email@example.com. If you really stand behind me you’ll follow me on Twitter @TheSportsRiot. Viva la Leftiphone!
TSR! has taken to the airwaves after a year away from the microphone. They thought we could be stopped, and they were wrong. This is only the beginning, but the rest is up to you. Rioters!, download this and spread the word; Advanced Fandom is here to stay, and The Sports Riot! will serve as the messengers to deliver it to the masses. Hate the Team, Love the Fan! It’s The Sports Riot!
The Audio Blog Returns 12/1/11
Good day fellow Rioters! As you know we at The Riot! have never hid our love for the Winnipeg Jets. We loved them when they were in Winnipeg, led by Moe Mantha (well he technically didn’t lead much), and campaigned for their return to Winnipeg (they should have never been moved to the desert to begin with). We were one of the first outlets to break the story about the Thrashers relocating back to Winnipeg, and gave the city of Winnipeg our love, making the Jets the first Official Riot! Team.
First Period: On paper, given the team the Flyers have and the team the Jets have I didn’t have high-hopes for a win, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t going to root on the Jets until the final buzzer.
Third Period: The third period opened completely insane with the Flyers bombarding Pavelec with shots and the Jets defense being unable to clear the zone. In the first three minutes Briere, Matt Read, and James van Riemsdyk all beat Pavelec and suddenly the Flyers went from down 6-2 to up 7-6. That’s when Chris Mason replaced Pavelec in net. My confidence level was still there but now the Flyers fans around started ribbing me. All good natured typed-stuff, which is something I’ve always loved about sitting by an opposing fan at a game. There’s nothing wrong with joking around with an opposing fan as long as you don’t act like an asshole.
Overall View: From a simple fans perspective the game was something I’ve never seen before. I don’t remember ever watching a game with 17 combine goals. Hell, the Jets matched the points the Browns and Seahawks had combined last Sunday. It was non-stop action and it reminded me of a pickup game on a pond, not an NHL game.
Fans aren’t talking about last night’s debacle because they are too focused on the Eagles and the Cowboys this Sunday. Distractions always help when your team is in the toilet.
Speaking of hockey, because that’s what I’d like to be doing, the better half got me the best birthday present. On October 27th we will be heading to the Wells Fargo Center to see the Flyers play. The seats are six rows from the ice, on the blue line. I’m stoking. I love my Flyers. But this is what I love more. They’re playing the Winnipeg Jets.
As you all know the Jets are an official Riot! team, and Chris and I never hide our love for them. So as I’ve stated since the inception of the Jets I will be there clad in my Jets gear and expect to get shit from friends and Flyers fans at the arena. Either way I don’t care. I have love for the Jets and I’ll stay until the final horn, even if they lose by six goals (they’re goaltending concerns me). The Jets did get their first win last night against a very good Penguins team to the delight of the Jets faithful in Manitoba. So who knows, maybe they will be the surprise of the NHL this season. All I know for sure is that 4 games in and the fans of Winnipeg already hold the Advanced Fandom crown.
Jack Buck’s MNF Memories