I know here at The Riot! we focus on sports and our own personal stupidity, but sometimes we find something that even though it’s not sports related it’s too good to pass up. This is one of those instances. Earlier, I was reading the Baltimore Sun trying to get updates on the injuries to Nick Markakis (who is undergoing wrist surgery tomorrow), and Adam Jones when the following headline caught my attention:
Maryland man charged with killing, eating man’s brain, heart
I’m sorry but I’m the type of guy when I see a headline like that, you bet your ass I’m going to read it.
Apparently a 21-year-old who is attending Morgan State University killed his 37-year-old roommate, and then decided to nosh on his heart and parts of his brain. The student (whose name I’m choosing to leave out in case he actually gets out of jail and he tracks me down), is an engineering student and up until January was a member of ROTC. He quit ROTC is early January following a disciplinary incident. The article also mentioned that before serving up his roommate on a platter he was charged with splitting a fellow student’s head open with a baseball bat and was looking at getting expelled.
Upon reading this four things came to my mind.
1) What the fuck is wrong with people today? First there was that nutbag in Miami who had a bad trip and tried to eat the face off a homeless man like he was a chimpanzee. Now there’s a college student beating people with bats, and killing and eating his roommate. Given some of the disturbing thoughts that go through my head on a daily basis, I always figured something might be wrong with me, but after seeing some of the shit on the nightly news or in online publications, I might be a pillar of sanity.
2) How did he eat the brains and heart? I already told you I have disturbing thoughts, so this shouldn’t come as a surprise. I mean did he beer batter it? Eat it raw? Maybe broil it with some lemon pepper? Also, were there any side dishes? Does asparagus go good with heart? Maybe some salad greens with goat cheese? I would never do anything like this myself but there’s nothing wrong with wondering how the human body parts were prepared (okay, I’m pretty fucked up too).
3) Did ROTC have anything to do with his multiple acts of violence? According to the article homeboy had no criminal record or history of violence before using someone’s skull as a softball. I was never in ROTC at any point in my life so the only reference I have regarding ROTC was when I was in high school. I briefly dated a girl who was in it, and I had a few friends who were members but that’s all I knew about it. Most of them were a bunch of misfits who spent two hours after school marching in a field. I always thought it was people who planned on going into the military or people who didn’t fit in any social circle, so by joining ROTC they belonged to something. I never really thought it meant that much to anyone. Also, didn’t any of his ROTC cohorts see this type of behavior in him? I’m far from a shrink, but I normal people don’t suddenly wake up in the morning and decide they’re going to kill their roommate and chow down on them. Maybe they didn’t because they all think the same way, so it would be nothing out of the norm. I might have to think about the one more later, because I’m thinking there’s a definite connection between excessive marching, and random acts of cannibalism.
4) If ROTC had nothing to do with killing and eating his roommate, what the hell did he do to piss him off? After living alone, with girlfriends, or the ex-wife for the better part of the past 20 years I decided to move in with someone in an effort to save money (in full disclosure Chris was my roommate briefly in Florida but he’s like a brother so he doesn’t count). For the most part my roommate and I get along, but there are days he pisses me off, just like I’m sure more often than not I’m doing the same to him. In saying this, the thought of even laying a beating on him, no less killing and eating him has ever crossed my mind. I guess you never really know someone. I think after reading this article I’m no longer going to drink his cranberry juice (just in case).
I’m not saying being a member ROTC was directly behind this brutality, but I’m not taking any chances. When I finally have spawn (that’s a frightening thought), I’m pushing my kids toward sports and music. I encourage all parents out there to do the same. Sure your kid might turn into a jock and an eventual bro, but at least he’ll just become a douchebag who says inappropriate things to women in an effort to get laid. It’s better than practicing cannibalism.
Avoid the march; it could save your child.
What questions popped in your head after reading this disturbing material? Do you think there’s a link between ROTC and murder/cannibalism? Email me at jay@thesportsriot.net and let me know.
