5 – TCU (2011-present) – Personally I’m not a fan of purple. Every time I see someone wearing too much purple I automatically think of Grimace from McDonald’s (especially if the person isn’t very svelte). I know the Vikings have had it for years and the Los Angeles Kings have dabbled as well (which still looks god awful), but personally it’s not my gig.
Now TCU has always had gnarly purple uniforms and frankly a real stupid team name (the Horned Frogs? Really???), but in 2011 they took it to the idiot extreme. See, purple wasn’t enough; they had to add black sleeves to the mix. Maybe I’m old fashion, but I don’t dig on multi-colored uniforms to begin with, especially purple and black. The benefit about TCU is apparently it’s a school to attend if you like to get baked (according to recent media reports). But wait, doesn’t TCU stand for Texas CHRISTIAN University? Hmmm…
4 – Texas Rangers Road (1975) – Somewhere in the mid-70’s it became acceptable for baseball teams to don powder blue uniforms. The Cardinals, Phillies, Royals, and Rangers were among teams to adapt that idea. Personally I thought it was stupid and I still do (it’s making a comeback recently with the Blue Jays and Royals have powder blue alternate jerseys. There’s that marketing thing again).
I’ve always thought sports were a manly thing and when you when out on the field you wanted to intimidate your opponent. Guess what? There’s nothing intimidating about power blue. Do you think Ty Cobb would wear a powder blue jersey? Hell no! He’d probably kick your ass, pull a gun on you, and drop a racial slur (Ty really didn’t like anyone). Odds are you probably deserved it (sans the racial slur, we don’t condone racism at The Sports Riot!). Thank god the Rangers brass finally came to their senses and dropped them (but the jury is still out on the red jerseys in the mid-80’s).
3 – Texas Rangers Sleeveless (2003) – I don’t want to come off like I’m picking on the Rangers but it’s not my fault they lack taste. While some might feel sleeveless uniforms have some kind of tradition or class, they’re absurd. When I see a baseball player wearing a sleeveless jersey with a tee-shirt under it, I think of an overweight college basketball player wearing a tee-shirt under his jersey, or even worse a fat kid at a pool who’s afraid to take off his shirt because the girls might see his bitch tits.
I understand I’m in the minority here because I know a lot of fans like it but I think it’s silly. I hated it when the Pirates tried to introduce it (I’m sure their thinking they would gain fans with different jerseys, but I’m thinking putting a watchable product on the field might be the way to go), and I hate it more that other teams tried to adapt it. This idea should be put in a drawer along with the idea that wearing a jersey with a collar and shorts was a good idea (it’s not f*cking soccer, and if you don’t get that reference look it up because it happened).
2 – Houston Rockets (1995-2003) – During this era of Rockets basketball they might have had one of the worst logo’s in NBA history. I rank it up there with the original Raptors logo (the asshole dinosaur dribbling a basketball), the original Mighty Ducks logo (a goalie mask shaped to include a duck-bill), and the now defunct Orlando Thunder from the World League of Football (powder blue clouds with neon yellow lightning bolts). It’s just terrible. Seeing that logo on a jersey with pinstripes was enough to make me want to kill a kitten.
I think I really this uniform as well because I HATED Steve Francis and he’s the first person I think of when I see it. Sure, he had some good seasons, but there’s nothing worse than a basketball player who is full of talent who pisses his career away because he has a piss-poor attitude.
1 – Houston Astros (1975-1980) – Let’s be honest here, this jersey looks like a rainbow threw up. It’s completely hideous. I pray whoever designed this uniform was fired (although since they had it for five seasons they probably weren’t). To make matters worse they wore an orange hat, which just adds to this travesty.
Like I stated above when you are going to battle on the field you want to intimidate your opponent. Wearing a striped orange motif with a blue undershirt isn’t going to put the fear into anyone. You can’t honestly tell my Nolan Ryan felt proud trotting on the field wearing that disaster. No wonder he had to throw the ball high and inside; he wouldn’t get respect from a batter any other way.
Texas I’m sure you like some of these uniforms and I’m sure there’s some I overlooked. Let me know. Drop me a line at firstname.lastname@example.org and give me your opinion. I know you have one.
Jack Buck’s MNF Memories