I would like to be on the Bryce Harper bandwagon. He’s clearly one of the biggest rising stars in the league and he’s one hell of a talent. Nationals fans should love watching him play. Unfortunately it’s not possible for me to jump on the bandwagon because I loathe him.
I wish I could pinpoint why I hate Harper, but I can’t. He’s just one of those players who rub me the wrong way. I actually cheered when Cole Hamels came out and admitted that he intentionally hit Harper with a pitch. I too felt he deserved it. Yesterday I heard an interview with Orioles closer Jim Johnson and he made the point that some players don’t like a 19-year-old player acting like a 19-year-old. It makes sense, maybe I’m just getting old (get off my goddamn lawn kids!). Anyway, enough of my own digressions through the aging process, why does Bryce Harper deserve a punch in the face?
On obvious reason might be last season when he blew a kiss to a pitcher as he rounded third base after hitting a home run. While it was funny from a comic standpoint (I’ve seen Bull Durham too), from a baseball standpoint it was a real amateur move (although it did inspire me to induct Mike Schmidt as the first person on the PinFL, because his stupid comments after the stunt Harper pulled). That could be a reason, but it’s more dated than Chuck Norris jokes.
There’s also the fact that he has a quazi-mullet, and puts so much black on his face it’s enough to make Alice Cooper and Ted Danson jealous (SIDEBAR: If you don’t get the Ted Danson reference, he showed up at a birthday party for Whoopi Goldberg in black face. I shouldn’t have to explain this). While looking like an asshole is grounds for a punch in the face, I’d rather laugh how stupid he looks.
Then most recently, after striking out three times he threw a temper tantrum and slammed his bat into a concrete wall. This backfired and the dipshit ended up clocking himself in the head, which required ten stitches. That’s not a reason to punch him in the face. In fact I encourage more of that behavior because it’s funny.
The reason I want to punch Bryce in the face (besides is stupid name), is I just don’t like him. He’s a kid who acts like he’s a cocky veteran. Personally I hoped when he was brought up to the majors he would fail and his confidence would be crushed. It looks like that’s not going to happen. So to go along with Cole’s intentional plunk, I’d like to welcome to manhood with a plunk in the jaw. Maybe after I hit him I can pinpoint why I can’t stand him.
Cry Meter: This is tricky one. Bryce is so arrogant he probably won’t see the punch coming which is a distinct advantage, but he wears so much shit on his face there’s a good shot my fist might slide right off his cheek (eye black is like Vaseline). Regardless, I’ll make the most of my shot. 6 out of 10 tears
I’m probably in the minority here because I can see Harper becoming the Tebow of MLB (he is a Mormon you know), but I’m the same guy who wanted to punch God in the face. Good or bad, let me know. Email me at jay@thesportsriot.net. I might even reply. Also follow us on Twitter @TheSportsRiot and on Facebook at www.facebook.com/TheSportsRiot.
Happy Monday Rioters! I hope all you mother’s out there had a great Mother’s Day and all of you who aren’t mother’s did right by your mom (they deserve it). Enough of a prior holiday, it’s Monday, so let’s look at some blogs. This week we’re going to look at a city that’s close to my own heart. No, I’m not talking about Philadelphia; I’m talking about Baltimore.
People who have known me for a while know I’ve been a die-hard Orioles fan since childhood. I remember the good and bad days in the 80’s, and the good and bad days of the 90’s. Most notably I remember the past 14 years of absolute futility (which my friends have no problem giving me shit for). Well this year the Orioles have taken the league by storm and currently lead the AL East by one game. (SIDEBAR: Yesterday I was walking to the store to buy a pack of cigarettes and I was wearing my O’s Miguel Tejada jersey. The clown behind the counter at the corner store asked me if I jumped on a bandwagon. I explained to him there’s no such thing as an Orioles bandwagon.) Being an Orioles fan and also a skeptic I figured I’d strike while the iron is hot and give some Charm City websites some love.
Oriole Post – This website is dedicated to the Orioles (duh), and as a fan of the birds I’m going to start reading daily. The writers give good recaps and analysis of every game as well as any breaking news coming out of the organization (in which they are kind enough to also give the official press release). They also sell an orange “Believe” tee shirt. I’m going to have to procure one in the near future. If you’re an Orioles fan, this website needs to be bookmarked.
The Purple Chaos – Baltimoreans love the Ravens and this is a site they should definitely keep in their daily rotation. TPC is updated frequently (they get that even though the Ravens aren’t playing Sunday the NFL is a 12 month sport), and full of well written articles. If you’re looking for any type of humor, I didn’t find that here, but not all sports bloggers have to sound like idiots (much like myself). They get to the point and report the information that every Ravens fan needs.
Dempsey’s Army – Any blog dedicated to the 1983 World Series MVP deserves some face time. Although I wish it was updated a bit more frequently, the writer also writes for MASN Sports and provides links to his articles. On Dempsey’s Army, punches aren’t pulled, but while he gives his view it’s well thought out. Between the articles on the website, along with the links to his MASN pieces, it’s a good balance of opinions and insight.
Baltimore Sports Report – The title of this website is exactly what it is. Instead of focusing on one team, they cover the O’s, Ravens, Terps, and Capitals (DC isn’t all that far away). The articles I’ve found are news, but mostly opinion with a healthy dose of humor. One thing that I found to be fantastic is they got into a Twitter war with Evan Longoria after be tweeted a stupid comment about Orioles fans (Chris attempted the same thing with Jose Canseco, but Jose was a chickenshit). If it’s good for Evan, it’s good for you. With the funny opinions and articles, this is a site you must check out.
The Wayward Oriole – Based on the name alone I wanted to read this blog. Some years ago I had a Phillies blog called “Steve Carlton Can’t Fish” (now defunct), so any blog with a name that catches your attention I want to read. I’m glad I did. The website is full of pictures and is funny observations. These guys get the joke and it’s something TSR! can stand behind. I’ve already added the Wayward Oriole to my daily reads. I think you should do the same.
Ravens 24×7 – Ravens 24×7 is everything a Ravens fan needs in one place. The articles are informative and updated multiple times a day. There’s also a healthy dose of videos featuring some good interviews. They have a message board attached to the site and it’s fairly active and the posters aren’t the normal nitwits who talk out of their ass. These posters know what they are talking about. If you’re a Ravens fan and haven’t checked out Ravens 24×7 give it a read. I guarantee you’ll come back daily.
Baltimore! I want to hear from you. You have a top notch football team and a young baseball team that is finally showing it can be competitive. Email me at jay@thesportsriot.net, show your fandom, and let me know what your favorite websites are. Also follow us on Twitter @TheSportsRiot and Facebook at www.Facebook.com/TheSportsRiot.
